About Her
by Perseverance
Summary: Kaoru's purpose in life...


AN: Okay. I wrote this on a sucky day. However, I wasn't the only person to have a sucky day. Oh, days like these, and what they could bring. Besides, this day did bring forth some inspiration.

_Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin._

About Her

_Too many tears to count...  
Too many deeds undone...  
And the sorrow is all in one._

People are born with a purpose in life. Chosen before birth, people are born and placed into the world to fulfill those purpose, whether big or small. But if everyone collaborates and cooperates, then everything falls into place in the world.

Yet does the purpose of one affects others in their life? This question is left for you to answer, as I tell the story of one woman and her purpose in the difficult world.

Her name was Kaoru Kamiya and she went to a regular college like all pupils her age. She graduated from high school with the dream of fulfilling something significant, whether big or small. And I met her on a job, one summer, while working to earn a living. Like other students, she worked to earn experience and money for college. She wanted to pay her way through college and was in her third year. Her major was Studio Art. Her classes that fall semester were to begin with the introduction to understanding various forms of art and learning how to paint.

I remembered the first time wooing her. Her wide eyes were luxurious and thrilling as the vast ocean, so deep with honesty and filled with innocence. Yet when I saw her, she walked alone, read alone, wrote in her journal alone. I knew she would not let anyone in her life easily. She preferred to be alone for her own reasons and I was curious about those reasons.

She denied all she could about the relationship between us, because there was a conflict with our age difference. I was five years older then her. She wanted to focus on her education, her family, and feared commitment above all else.

I was the first relationship she ever had. And slowly with time, she began to reveal her soul to me. It was then I realized how fortunate I was to find this amazing girl so selfless from the rest of people. Through tears, she smiled. Her problems were second before others. She never wanted to hear about her life, but the life of other people. She constantly worried about the people around her and they came first for her, and she was willing to make sacrifices for their happiness.

Until they became her sanity…

Constantly she questioned our relationship for we did not see each other much. We contacted each other everyday, but her emotions for me became so sincere and strong that she needed me to be there for her physically. Regretfully with boundaries in our ways and my lack of giving this relationship everything, she grew distant from me. And it all happened that one day, in the fall semester, when she made a phone call to me.

She asked many questions, refused to talk her feelings with me and I acted like a jerk to get her to convey her emotions. She did talk, but she talked to someone else, breaking down in sobs in her mother's arms instead of my arms. I heard her sobs and it was heart wrenching. She called me again and revealed that I hurt her deeply. I criticized her when she needed to only hear my voice. My voice was her comfort when I was not there to physically embrace her and I broke that. I broke her trust.

The next day was the worst day for her. She missed her English class, got late to her Art class, and had to leave early because she was not feeling well. Her wait for the bus, took a half an hour all while she was hunched over in pain, trying her best not to tear up. She called me for comfort, to take her mind away from her pain and I failed once again. I told her I had to go because people were giving me funny looks.

She desperately needed me…

I turned away from her unknowingly…

And that was my biggest mistake…

I called her later on that day and I discovered she was at home, crying her heart out. She unleashed her anger and wrath on me. Other people and things to do surrounded me. I could not say much. So I let her hit me with her anger, realizing that was what she needed. All the bottling of her emotions broke out. Finally she spoke her feelings. And then hung up.

I had my chance to say something…

Again I stayed quiet…

But what could I say?

The last time I heard of her sweet voice was when she called me to make amends. I accepted, fully understanding that her life was not all together. Then our ties broke down. I tried several times contacting her and could not reach her. I thought she needed time to sort everything out.

And again silence was my failure…

October 03 was the day that changed our lives. She did warn me that she was a sensitive and emotional person, meaning she felt much deeper then other people. She explained that this was the main reason she hung around by herself. Having contact with other people affected her deeply.

Then realizing how much of a family person she was, I knew she was taking care of them because she told me she lived to serve people as well. Her tradition taught her to respect her family and place great value onto them. They were her Gods, the rulers and supporters of her life.

I never grew up with these beliefs. They sounded so foreign to me. It was my biggest mistake to judge her on those beliefs. Especially when she truly believed her purpose to live in this world was to serve people.

So silently, I watched from the distance as she lived her life serving other people. She cooked and cleaned for her parents. When she graduated from college, she remained with her parents, supporting them financially all while taking care of the household and bills. She raised her little brother into a thoughtful and respectable man by always being there for him and loving him.

She made them laugh. She made them smile. Their problems were her problems. She did whatever she could to help them. Did whatever her parents told her to.

I watched her marry someone else without stopping the wedding. She respectfully received her parent's blessing and left her home. But she did return whenever she could. She called her parents whenever she could and tended to their needs every weekend. She gathered the family together, played the hostess, and tried her best to make everything flow perfectly.

She had children, but not as many as she would like to have. She was always a family person and so she always did tell me she wanted to have five or six kids. But she mothered them greatly, spoiling them, loving them, understanding them.

However, she hid a great secret that even she could not hide from me. She walked with an illness that gradually ate away her body. She hid it from all her family members in hopes not to worry them.

How wrong she was…

And again I wish I could have done something…

But I was no longer a part of her life…

Now I stand before her grave. The selfless woman with wide eyes that reminded me of the vast ocean, so filled with honesty and innocence no longer existed. The way her raven hair flowed in the wind, the way her hips swayed, the brightness in personality, her fierceness for standing up for the people she loved, her real smiles, her beautiful voice that awoke my senses, I began to miss it all. She awoke my being, she calmed my inner demon, and she was my world.

Although I told her that, I never showed her that…

Although she knew, I was never there when she needed me most…

Although she told me not to do one thing, I should have gone against it…

But I stayed back. My words became empty frills and I watched her lived her life. She once told me, that my arms were her safe heaven and that by being there, she felt like she belonged there, a place called "home."

I was all she had. She could have been her real self around me. I listened to her, I touched her in the right places, I whispered the right words of love to her, I said the best things to soothed her. I played the right tunes to the flute.

Yet I held back so much…

I was all she had and I let her walk away.

She became the living corpse. Living with no life. Just living with the purpose to serve those around. She served her parents, her brother, her husband, and her children. In the end she died.

Did her purpose affect others?

I leave you dear reader to answer this question. But also keep in mind to question what she gained in her own life that she could call her own life.

What about her?


End file.
